Friday, February 15, 2013

What does my husband want?

There are so many demands in life and it's quite easy to not realize how long it has been since you've intentionally made your husband a priority even though you mean to.  That's one of the reasons I chose to make this one of the 4 focus areas for the year.  Here it is four weeks since I wrote about leaving nice little notes and gifts and I'm feeling like I didn't put as much into our relationship in the last four weeks as I had hoped to.

Sometimes our disappointments have to do with our faulty expectations.  I was reminded of this last week while doing my lesson for the bible study that I lead.  Lysa Terkeurst (author of Unglued) was writing about feeling like she had failed to do something her husband expected and was really getting bent out of shape at herself when she finally revealed that to him he indicated that wasn't even what he cared about.

It was a great reminder of what I really already knew but tend to forget: What we feel like we should be doing to be a good wife may not even be what our husband cares about.

A long time ago (probably even before kids) was the first time I got a shocker in this area.  We were at a Family Life Weekend To Remember Marriage retreat and doing our "homework", we were to list what we needed most from one another.  I don't remember all of what my husband wrote but the one that shocked me, which if I recall was #1, was domestic help!  Really, domestic help, you've got to be kidding I thought!  Anyone can cook, do the wash or iron but no, apparently not so much.  He really needed and appreciated my help in this area.

Next when our kids were young one of the most important things to him became having dinner ready when he walked though the door.  Now this was sometimes challenging but I most of the time got it done and it may be one of the reasons I'm so hooked on the freezer cooking method (see tabs at right.)  I even used to joke when I did cooking demonstrations for Tupperware that even if you can't get dinner on the table when your husband walks in you can keep chopped green peppers in the freezer in a small Tupperware container (of course) and just stick them in the microwave when you see his car pull in.  They smell awesome in seconds and he says, "Oww...dinner smells so good."  It buys you a little time while he's changing out of work clothes to quickly get something smelling good for dinner!

Well just this week I realized this need has now changed too.  He's switched his work hours lately and getting home earlier.  This again is making it more difficult for me to get dinner on the table when he walks in.  It was stessing me out a bit.  I told him that and he told me that doesn't matter to him as much now.  Now I just have to train myself to not stress when I see his car and think, great, dinners not done...

So what are you stressing over that doesn't really matter?  Why not ask, "Hey, dear, what are the top three things you need from me?"  Then you focus on doing those well and let the rest go.

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